November 21, 2017

FIFTY SHADES OF BEY

1. I used to miss NYC with a longing and affection like an old girlfriend. Now I miss it with the dissapointment for an old gf who’s been screwing Donald Trump while I’ve been out of town. 2. Overheard in the Equinox locker room, a guy shouting into his cellphone: “I don’t give a fuck…human beings are only as good as the deals they bring to the table!” 3. Overheard on Broadway by Lincoln Center: “Look, at this rate we’ll both be living in my parents house in Westchester. I’ll have my old room and you’ll have my brother’s room. I’m sick…I’m sick…I’m sick with anxiety!!” 4. Now that apartments in Manhattan have a rich and poor entrance, is a rich/poor entry to the city itself on its way? 5. Have you noticed all those ads touting foreign superiority? Swiss precision. German engineering. Volvo made in eco-friendly Sweden. Jag-U-ar made for British genius super-villains . Japan and Canada are our largest trading partners and never mentioned in commercials. 6. And hey, forget about our third largest partner! No praise for their national superiority. (look it up!) Speaking of commercials do women experience the same visceral ‘ewwww’ to Cialus commercials that I get when I hear those ads about dry vaginas? 8. I knew I was getting old when the wives in the Cialus commercials looked like hot babes. 9. How come there are NO Viagra commercials? (Okay, after I wrote this, all of a sudden there were relentless Viagra commercials on air! It took them long enough to get over CD-commercial dysfunction).10.Have you seen the Chantix stop smoking commercials with the testimonial of a cop? Its followed by a hyper-rattling off of the possible side effects: Anger anxiety behavior changes, depression, feelings of panic, hallucinations, irritability, mood swings, nervousness restlessness, thoughts of killing oneself… Really? Prescribed for a cop?!? 11. 11. A few months ago I had Kyle for 16 days and then flew to NYC to babysit my best friends 9 year old for 12 days while he vacationed with his wife in Italy. Don’t tell me kids were always like this! 12. Maybe its faulty memory, but I don’t remember begging my parents to BUY me anything. Do you? 13. Whatever MINECRAFT is, from what I saw, its gotta be more addictive than cocaine. 14. I saw the LBJ play with Brian Cranston. He was awesome and hilarious, but I don’t remember LBJ ever being funny. Ever. Even once. 15. “Of Mice and Men” was a solid production and James Franco delivered a solid, strong performance, impressive for his first time on a Broadway stage. Chris O’Dowd had a fascinating interpretation of Lenny but what was Leighton Meister doing? The most sexless Curley’s Wife I’ve ever seen. All the male characters drool over how hot she is but she was a drab, projecting no sex appeal at all. 16. She was so poorly cast that I began to think it was a purposeful, a directorial choice maybe, all the men were projecting their longing and loneliness upon her, making her a victim twice over. 17. Maybe I’m the one projecting here! LOL 18. I think NY Times theater critic Ben (“We’re all gay now!”) Brantley would have written a better review of OMAM if they had had made the gay insinuations about Lenny and George more substantial. (He raved for “The Glass Menagerie” where they extracted a gay subtext for Tom and pushed it center stage, subverting the actual themes of the play.) 19. I don’t care about the reviews: If/Then was provocative and at times, thrilling. Not perfect, not great, not historic theater, but relevant to me at this stage of life. The subject was about the choices we make and how as long as we live we can make new ones. Idina Menzel, love her, mock her, mispronounce her name…but what a presence and voice! 20. The publicity juggernaut for Ronan Farrow ground to a halt faster than any celebrity since David Lee Roth took over for Howard Stern. 21. Okay, we rail about FB and video game addiction but in the age of DVD and DVR I have an addiction for narrative TV series: Orphan Black. Game of Thrones. Continuum. Homeland. Penny Dreadful. Manhattan. The Bridge, The Honorable Woman (that last was incredible!) We usually only read one or two books at a time. I follow two at a time, watching episode by episode like chapters in a book. 22. On the other hand how many hours did I waste watching ‘Under the Dome’ hoping every week it would get better? 23. How could Steven King and Jack Bender, the director from ‘Lost’, create something so phony and lifeless? 24. Do they change the name when its aired in Israel? 25. How come when I look in the mirror what looks back seems acceptable…but when I see it in a photograph I get hit in the head by the frying pan of reality? 26. Does anyone else find you’re having much more vivid dreams as you get older? 27. When I lived in NYC most of my dreams took place in Santa Barbara on the campus of UCSB. Now I live in Florida and most of them take place in NYC. 28. Most have to do with the panic of forgetting where I parked my car. (Yeah, I can figure out what that means…) 29. When I wear my glasses I get compliments. People under 30: “I love your Harry Potter glasses!” Over 30: “I love your John Lennon glasses!” 31: My brother gave me Hillary Clinton’s book for my birthday. I’m prepared to vote for her, to endure 8 years of her Presidency. I’m not prepared to spend 2 months reading her 800 page book. After 22 years in the public spotlight is there anything about her we haven’t heard or know? 32. Is this something one can re-gift ? 33. Joan Rivers and Johnny Carson had an infamous life-long feud. Ask someone under 20 who each of them is. Then tell me who won. 34. Sometimes I shake milk cartons after taking it from the fridge. Why? Because my parents did it when I was a kid. And milk had long been homogenized back then when they did it! 35. When I lived in NYC there was only one Dairy Queen, a crummy, tiny one in Penn Station with few selections. I used to drive to Rutherford, NJ for a Blizzard. 36. Anita Bonita tells me they opened a new one in Union Square! 37. Upward inflections used by trained actors chain my attention until the end of the sentence. Upward inflections in the ‘Valley girl’ style of speech make me want to stop listening. 38. Have you noticed more and more of this kind of speech in the younger pundits on television? 39. Is vocal delivery even considered anymore when casting television news people? Remember the great on-air voices: Murrow, Cronkite, Brinkley, Robinson, Snyder, Grimsby?. 40. Yes, they were all male, but British television has many athoritive, distinctive female voices. Just listen to BBC podcasts. I could listen to Kirsty Young read the phone book for hours. 41. Does anyone remember the first black national news anchor, Max Robinson? We had the same agent so I heard about him quite a bit in the 80’s. What a story: starting as a studio stage manager, thrust by chance into an historic position, haunted by personal demons, dead from AIDS before the age of 50. No one has told that story yet in book or film. It could be a good one. 42. Quick, can you name the three current national news anchors on the evening news? I can’t. 43. Do you remember we had at least had some NY broadcasters sounding like New Yorkers? Michael Savage is the only daily broadcaster I can think of with a New York accent and he lives in San Francisco. And Joy Behar, I guess. Lynn Samuels with that great NY accent is gone. 44. Oh, yeah, and Curtis Sliwa…but I think that’s a parody of a New York accent. (Sorry, Curtis). 45. In over 25 years in broadcasting I never had an agent get me a job. (Okay, one– Lance Klein at ICM! Thanks for the ‘Truster’ pilot, Lance!) But I had several who lost me jobs. And one sued me. 46. On the other hand, as an actor, agents found me auditions for jobs all the time. 47. What was the last new musical genre? Trance? Grundge? A new one used to pop up every few years: Folk, rock, pop, punk, disco, grunge, rap. What happened? Music has been in stasis for almost 20 years. 47. How come I never knew Steve Kornacki was gay and I watch him every week but I knew Jonathon Capehart was gay after his first sentence? 48. Over the years I spent as an actor I could never cry on cue. Now, after the deaths of my parents, I can. 49. I’ve saved this story for years. It made me cry the first time I read it and each time I recited it to someone afterwards. It took me all this time to realize its not the ailing grandfather or the empathy of the doctors that brings on my tears. It’s the innocent, futile hope of the child. “A medical student told how he and a group of residents were laughing and joking through “work-rounds” one morning; they expressed amused resentment toward their next patient, a comatose old man awaiting his PEG (percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy) ticket to a “nursing warehouse”. After the ritual chest examination and a few shouts in his ear, they turned to go, when their attention was caught by a new card on the wall, colored in crayon by a child’s hand. “Get well soon, Grandpa”, it read. The troupe fell silent as they left the room, and the joking ceased.” 50. Why do the days seem so short in Florida?